Writing, like any creative thing can sometimes be a wonderful, fulfilling, joyous thing. At other times though, writing is hard. Every creative journey has it’s ups and downs and this week my creative journey is on a down. The important thing that I’m trying to do is to brush myself off and keep moving forwards while learning what I can from the situation.
I had some difficult feedback about my writing this week. That’s not to say that it wasn’t deserved or right BUT it’s also hard to admit that it was deserved and right. It’s not the first time I’ve had feedback – both in general and also for this piece of work – but just some days it’s easy to accept the bad with the good and then other days it all feels personal and you get a heavy feeling in your chest and swallowing becomes that much harder. This was a week where it felt personal for no reason I can particularly understand. Like this thing that had I created and deliberately sort out feedback about because I knew it wasn’t right and I wanted some advice from someone outside my head was – because I was being told it wasn’t ‘perfect’ – now somehow precious and shouldn’t be treated with anything but cotton wool. Now I know the reaction is ridiculous. The only way I can make it better is to deal with the fact that some things need changing in the first place but this week my head hasn’t been playing the logical game. It felt like that scene in Despicable Me where Mr Perkins tells Gru :
I love everything about your plan, except for one thing: you.
-Mr Perkins in Despicable Me.
Now just like Gru I need to dust myself off and become better for it. I will. Every time the feeling of shame or disappointment or self-pity arise I am trying to acknowledge that it’s just my ego talking and that my book (or any creative venture which receives feedback) will be better in the end. That’s the point right? To grow, get better and eventually produce something that I’m proud of. That’s where I’m working towards but today I just wanted to acknowledge that it’s hard sometimes.